Writing class...

Last night was the first night we had to bring in a rough draft essay. It has to be about a person, place or event that has had a big impact on your life. We thought that she was going to put us in groups to read and correct each other's essay's. Instead she had us read them aloud in front of the class. Well, we were aloud to sit in our seat. Ok, so I know that I am going to do terrible in speech class because I hated doing this. My face was so red, I was sweating so bad through 2 shirts I was wearing that I had to put on my coat. I also bit all my nails off. Is this enough description for you?? Anyway, I have to say as some of the other women read their essays I was taken back. They were so personal and meaningful. A few of them spoke about the love of God and one lady wrote that her earthly father would never compare to her King that loved her unconditionally and waited in heaven for her. I about cried when she said that. She did end up crying. It was painful for her reading her story of abuse she had endured in her life. Another girls spoke about the death of her mother, another women spoke about the death of her 5 month old baby girl. Not everyone ended up reading their essays so I was really thrilled that I volunteered!!!! O well, it was a great experience and I actually had our teacher choked up. She comes from a military family. Here is my essay, it is long but I wanted to share it. My life has had some painful times and lonely times, but with me loving the Lord and truly trusting him I don't have to be alone, or in so much pain. I too have a King waiting for me that loves me more than anything. God bless all you ladies!! Have a wonderful week!

Forced to be Single
The house seemed empty already. A few duffle bags, a back pack, and a tote packed rested by the front door. A soldier quite, yet anxious to leave his family to a strange country for over a year. As a military wife you get used to all the emotions and yet the feeling of resentment falls upon me. This time was especially difficult for me. Not just the length of my husband being away in a strange country, but I was going to have to play Mommy and Daddy. Our children at the time were five months old and three years old. They were still so young and unsure about how much was going to change in the following year.

On the way to the aviation unit tears began to fall heavily down my face. I am sure that emotions were just as strong for this brave soldier. My thoughts were all over the place not being able to grasp the true reality of the situation. How can I manage this household by myself? I have done it before but not for this amount of time, and surely not with two children. I had a fear what if he does not come home, how will I explain that to my children? I have been both a working mom, and a stay at home mom. I have to say that staying at home is by far a harder job, now I was going to get to do it twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. This was a lot of pressure on me and the rest of the family.

As we arrived at our destination we all unload. Like all the other soldiers my husband separated from us to get himself updated and squared away with all the deployment information. I wondered aimlessly with my daughters into the hangar where normally the aircraft are stored. This time it was full of rows of chairs, reporters, government officials, families, banners, and the largest American flag hanging above it all. While young children ran around you could hear wives, mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, older children, and many other family members crying. As we were seated to start the ceremony, I looked at my three year old standing with a red, white, and blue pom pom and thought; will I be enough strength for her when he is gone?

After recognizing each individual soldier and the duties they will perform in Afghanistan, it was time to say goodbye. Last minute hugs, pictures, and kisses were given to each soldier. I felt a sense of calmness come over me at this very moment. I felt proud to be a soldier’s wife. I still had tears and still felt scared, but I was dealing with the reality of the situation that I was put in and knew I had to be strong for my mental state and my children. Watching the girls hug their dad and say “I love you”, was heart wrenching. They were going to change so much while he is away. He would miss birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, our baby crawling and first steps, her first words, preschool graduation, and so many other important and memorable events. As time passed it was time for each soldier to get on each helicopter and take off. The departure loomed on for a bit. Before the helicopters took off I decided not to drag my children and myself through this any longer. We chose to leave the facility before take off to start our journey as the three of us.

For fifteen months I was the rock for our family. Some days seemed to linger far too long. Some seemed to pass too quickly. I needed my girls just as much as they needed me. They helped me get through each day as a single parent. I played with, sang, rocked, held, nourished, read, kissed boo boos, prayed with, enjoyed first stepping stones, hospital visits, doctor visits, endured a surgery on my oldest child, and most of all loved them conditionally all on my own for those long fifteen months. That was just a role as a mother. As a wife I managed the home, bills, vehicle maintenance, and other duties that arose at any given time. I was strong enough and managed to get it accomplished while each day in fear of a soldier knocking on my door to give me bad news. I now have a better appreciation for being a military wife, as well for all single parents out there fighting to live and be strong for themselves, and their children.